Pinks song Perfect hits home everytime I hear it. I honestly wish such a beautiful song was out when I was in my adolescence. It may have just stopped a long dark hallway. A hallway that makes me sick to my stomach thinking my daughter may go the same route.
I had a lot of problems getting friends, I was a beautiful young lady, but I was weird. So while boys flirted, girls hated. I had self esteem issues, body image issues, especially with sisters and a mom like mine who are naturally thin, typical teenage girl problems.
I saw a school psychologist for years for cutting and a eating disorder. I hated life, I hated my parents, I hated my sister, I didn't have too many friends to hate. But everything in my life just sucked. Looking back, I have no idea why. I was never hit or abused. My father was retired military, who worked 40+ hours, and my mother as well, to make ends meet to give us a roof over our heads. While they weren't around often, they were there protecting us, providing for us, making sure we had clothes. Yet there I was trying to hurt myself, and for WHAT reason?!
I look back at pictures and think how sick I looked. While therapy I don't think truly helped, and group (a bunch of teens with similar issues all in a psychology setting) was a joke, my ex boyfriend was there helping me. He kept me busy, got me involved in activities, programs, brought my grades up from D's to B's and helped me find an outlet through writing and poetry. To this day I will be eternally grateful.
Then I think of my daughter and the path that she could go down and it makes me sick to my stomach to think of. To wonder if she will ever hurt herself, to wonder if she won't come talk to me if she ever feels low.
But I guess as a parent, I just need to keep my eyes open and tell her she's perfect.
