A person is a person, no matter how big or how small.

Many of the posts on my page are about dealing with infant loss, mainly in the terms of miscarriage because that is what I personally have gone through. Today while on Facebook, I made a generally innocent remark and had vultures attacking me (as that is what Facebook has become as of late, a bunch of woman attacking other woman instead of supporting them.)
In the end I found out this mother had lost her child to SIDS, (Being new to the group I was unaware and told I was rude, along with many many other hurtful comments. I remained level headed and continued to apologize profusely for making a jerk comment.) However the more I tried to relate with this woman, apologize and make amends, the more these other woman attacked and the conversation again turned on me saying "How dare I compare my miscarriages to a live loss of a child that they got to see, and coo and play with for 3 months".

This is where it struck a nerve (I removed myself from the post before I stooped to their level). Personally I have lost 5 children of my own. I have lost twins, conceived 8 weeks apart because I ovulated while pregnant. We went to find out the gender only to find out that baby had passed away and we were pregnant with a second. The first baby lost all of its amniotic fluid because the second baby took it all and pretty much drowned in amniotic fluid and would pass away within a few days.
My third baby I lost was my daughters identical twin. Who didn't make it and was absorbed into my daughter. The final loss was my mono mono twins. Carried until 12 weeks and though it was almost inevitable that I would lose them too, it didn't hurt any less.
Every August, I think back to my first ultrasound. So excited to find out the gender, only to hear devastating news, and even worse news. Knowing my babies would have been born around February/March and that I found out I was pregnant with my daughter on the day I was supposed to have my babies. People called me lucky, said I could try again. But again, it didn't hurt any less. I lost 2 children. Two children were taken from me in a moments time. I didn't get to hold them or cuddle them. I didn't get to find out their genders and name them. But they were already apart of my family. Even if for a short time. We had already bought items because miscarriages don't happen and I was already 16 weeks. Out of the clear! But it did.
Every November I think about the fact that my daughter would be sharing her birthday with her sister. She'll make comments about her sister every now and then, and you can see it in her eyes that she's missing something. Someone.
Every January, not only am I celebrating the birth of my son, my husband, my niece and my mother in law. But I'm also mourning the death of my last set of twins. The twins that I was told I'd never be able to have a child again. I thank my lucky stars that I was able to have my son after that, but it does not take the pain away from losing them.

A friend of mine, not only had a miscarriage at 8 weeks, but she also lost her daughter at 21 weeks. They held her for just under two hours before she took her last breath in her fathers arms. Alexandria would have been four years old yesterday. And though she has a wonderful just about two year old little boy, not a day goes by that she doesn't think about her daughter or the child she miscarried. Each year she celebrates Alexandrias birthday with an Ice Cream Social. If you'd like to participate please take a picture of yourself, family, friends, anyone eating icecream and hashtag on twitter, facebook and instagram #‎alexandriasicecreamsocial‬. This would mean a great deal to the parents.

Finally, I have lost friends my age to cancer, drinking and more. Their families devastated. In a kind of pain that is unimaginable.

The bottom line is this, "A person is a person, no matter how big or how small."
The second you become pregnant, you are that childs family. All the pain is different, but grief is the same. You can't compare losses and pull the "mines bigger". You have both lost a child. No one knows how you feel except you. Instead of attacking each other, we should be supporting each other in a time of loss.

Perfect

Pinks song Perfect hits home everytime I hear it. I honestly wish such a beautiful song was out when I was in my adolescence. It may have just stopped a long dark hallway. A hallway that makes me sick to my stomach thinking my daughter may go the same route.

I had a lot of problems getting friends, I was a beautiful young lady, but I was weird. So while boys flirted, girls hated. I had self esteem issues, body image issues, especially with sisters and a mom like mine who are naturally thin, typical teenage girl problems.

I saw a school psychologist for years for cutting and a eating disorder. I hated life, I hated my parents, I hated my sister, I didn't have too many friends to hate. But everything in my life just sucked. Looking back, I have no idea why. I was never hit or abused. My father was retired military, who worked 40+ hours, and my mother as well, to make ends meet to give us a roof over our heads. While they weren't around often, they were there protecting us, providing for us, making sure we had clothes. Yet there I was trying to hurt myself, and for WHAT reason?!

I look back at pictures and think how sick I looked. While therapy I don't think truly helped, and group (a bunch of teens with similar issues all in a psychology setting) was a joke, my ex boyfriend was there helping me. He kept me busy, got me involved in activities, programs, brought my grades up from D's to B's and helped me find an outlet through writing and poetry. To this day I will be eternally grateful.

Then I think of my daughter and the path that she could go down and it makes me sick to my stomach to think of. To wonder if she will ever hurt herself, to wonder if she won't come talk to me if she ever feels low.

But I guess as a parent, I just need to keep my eyes open and tell her she's perfect.

Two Months Later... We're going to go all natural!

So I've really been getting into the better eating, better self and I know it's on the rise.

So here we are today (2 months after my last blog post), I haven't been able to keep Rockin Body up (let's be honest... I really don't have a lot of time and I need something that I can do 10 minutes here and there.)

I've decided to jump on the band wagon for "no poo" and daily intake of coconut oil. As well as having a pea protein shake, and starting to cut dairy out AGAIN. I would like to be below 200 pounds by my birthday and feel good about myself.

You're all holding me accountable!

Also the 21 day fix is out and on back order, but I have a general regard for their portion controlled containers and I think I'm going to give that a try on my own. I'm going to pull out the containers and those will be my containers to use. It's time to get fit and STAY healthy!

First up... coconut oil... anyone know the best way to ingest this? The thought of ingesting it makes my nose scrunch ;) LOL

It's great for my skin externally though hahaha.

Talk to you all again tomorrow!

Day 2 of my Rockin body work out

Well I did day 2 of my Rockin Body with Sean T work out. I feel good and I'm loving it. It's great to be able to dance and my calves are KILLING me on day 2!! Who would have thought I would be this excited to exercise. I can really see myself sticking with the 10 weeks because its FUN.

On other fronts, I'm getting barely the 64 oz of water in...unless you include my cup of coffee. I know coffee is a dehydrate, and for the most part, I drink my coffees black. I can't STAND stevia though. It's gross.

Also keeping up on my B12. If it wasn't for my baby waking me up 3-4 times in the night, it would be great. But he's teething...4 more, so a total of 16 teeth soon. Poor kid. My energy is just, well lets say I feel great.

As soon as my swagbucks gift cards come in I'll have more than enough to buy 2 pea proteins. I've chosen pea proteins because Whey Protein is milk based and I'm allergic to dairy.

If you'd like a referral link, I've just gotten 5 $5 gift cards to amazon. They're 450 points. I got 1250 point just for signing up to a website because they just started. Awesome!

swagbucks.com/refer/amoggio816

Question of the day: What's your favorite Chicken Recipe?

Taking B12 Vitamins

Monday I started taking a B12 vitamin daily and the CHANGE in emotions, fatigue and general feelings is astonishing.
I couldn't wake up with my kids at 7 and the last week has been a huge difference.

Symptoms of B12 Deficiency:

may causes symptoms such as:

• weakness, tiredness or light-headedness  
• rapid heartbeat and breathing
• pale skin
• sore tongue
• easy bruising or bleeding, including bleeding gums
• stomach upset and weight loss
• diarrhea or constipation

If the deficiency is not corrected, it can damage the nerve cells. If this happens, vitamin B12 deficiency effects may include:

• tingling or numbness in fingers and toes
• difficulty walking
• mood changes or depression
• memory loss, disorientation, and dementia
  
  A lot of these symptoms are also common with a low thyroid (like I have) however they could also signal other problems as well.
  
  We'll see if symptoms continue to improve! 

Making a latte at home without an expresso maker

Cost of lattes for a large is $3.20 at Dunkin donuts or $4.49 at Starbucks. That is an insane waste of money to be spending if you get 5 per week. Thats between $15-25 depending on tips. Over the year between $780 and $1300. That's A LOT of money.

How to make it for less? Here's how I do it:

First buy one of those Keurig My Cups - as little as $10 on amazon.
Then buy a flavor of coffee you like packaged. (I love Dunkin Donuts french vanilla - $8 lasts me about 20 cups of coffee, if not more)
Make it according to directions
I add caramel to mine.
Then you take milk, put it in a mason jar (lid off) and put it in the microwave for 30 seconds, take oven mitts, put the lid on and SHAKE VIGOROUSLY.
Use a spoon to keep the froth at the top and add the milk to the coffee, then add the froth.
BAM latte :)

Getting back into writing

So last week I decided I wanted to start writing again. Now and again I'll be posting little excerpts from it and asking opinions.
Currently I'm writing a story for adults, but incorporating our inner child.
We'll see how it turns out.

In other questions, does anyone know how to heat an old house?

My baby turned 1 today!!

My last and final baby turned a year old today!
Its a very emotional feeling knowing I'll never have another child again to see turn one, and I was just in a really AWFUL mood today (lack of sleep maybe?)

It's amazing to see how much he has TRANSFORMED into such an amazing young toddler. He has gained 3 times the amount since he was born (8 pounds)

I can't wait to watch my son grow into a handsome young man. Just not so fast.


Mommy loves you baby!

One Day at a Time!

Today I went into labor with my son at 9am a full YEAR ago. While I didn't gain weight in the last year AND am still at my pre pregnancy weight that I started at WITH MY SON, I'm still not at my daughters pre pregnancy weight.
I've been struggling with weight my entire life, but in 5 years (my daughter is 5) I have gained 30 pounds.
SO Goal 1. Lose 10% of body weight (38 pounds) OR those 30 pounds in 2 months. 1-2 pounds is healthy to lose per week. Most of the beginning weight in the first 2 weeks (hoping those 8 pounds ;) haha) So that brings me to roughly 16 pounds lost, which is on the low side, but again, the first couple weeks you lose more as you change your diet. Talking with a dr, she thinks it's reachable, BUT that I may have to extend the goal into 3 months.

How I'm going to do it:

Being allergic to dairy, allergic to nuts and having a thyroid problem which eliminates SOY ... this is DIFFICULT!

I do A LOT of research, and ask A LOT of questions.

So my question for you: A non-dairy, nut free, soy free protein OTHER than meat and beans... what would you eat?

Next up: Ways I'm changing my diet. A LIFE STYLE CHANGE!

-- Adding protein to my diet. Ideally I'd like eat a form of protein 5-6 times a day. REALISTICALLY, I'll aim for 4. Breakfast, lunch, dinner and snack. I'm not a RED meat eater... or pork for that matter. I basically stick to fish, chicken and turkey. MMMM.

If I plan to have carbs or sugars, I need to have DOUBLE the protein. For example:

1/2 cup of rice, 1 cup of beans. Make sure there's always a 2 PROTEIN to 1 CARB ratio.

-- Adding B12 and a daily vitamin to my routine.

-- Getting a physical and getting back on my medications until I get my weight under control, then look for alternatives to keep a happy thyroid and to cure it.

--Drinking a DETOX water as often as possible during the first 2 weeks. This includes part of my next bullet. A detox water consists of: 1/2 fresh lemon, cayenne and ginger.

-- Drinking 120 oz of water (adjusting with the weight loss, no less than 64 oz of water per day) I even bought a 18 gallon water filter ;)

-- 2 tbs of Pea Protein per day minimum up to 6 tbs. Can add to my water or make myself a shake in the morning.

-- 2 pounds of salad per day

-- Along with these high rich foods. NOTHING under 20 points http://s.doctoroz.com/sites/default/files/im_uploads/4_003_Nutrient_Density_Chart_PRINTABLE.jpg

-- 30 minutes of exercise 6 days a week.


I think that's it for now. Once I achieve goal 1. I'll work on Goal 2 - Getting under 200, AND BEYOND!: The next 30 pounds. A 5 month challenge.

I feel it will take a full year to lose all 73 pounds I'd like to lose. So my ULTIMATE end goal is to be under 165 by December 31st, 2014. That gives me 51 weeks to lose 73 pounds. At the end of goal 2, I am hoping to be within 15 pounds of that weight and just in time for my birthday!

Here's a before picture: 

Goals for the New Year?

Everyone starts the new year "fresh".
We all start healthier lives after the big Thanksgiving meals, and Christmas dinners and those DELICIOUS yummy treats! (Seriously...where did December go!?)
Can you blame us?? We probably put on a good 5-10 pounds in 2 months!
Obviously we could all avoid this by having smaller portions, more smaller meals through out the day and exercise. But as many of us are super busy getting the deals, or just love food and holidays, that is not the case.
One way I've always been told to do my goals is to create an ACTION plan.
Don't just put "I want to lose weight", write HOW.
I've also been told to write them as ambitions or inspirations, not Goals.
Instead of making a yearly goal that lasts 2 weeks, give yourself some ambition, drive, or some inspiration to continue your goals past January or February.


My Ambitions:

Lose 75 pounds:
     Drink 120 ounces of water per day
     Eat 2 pounds of salad per day
     Eat a form of protein 3-4 times a day
     Exercise 5-6 hours a week.

Start my Daycare:
     Continue taking the classes and finish the application process.



I will add more ambitions as I think of them :) What are yours? And how do you plan to accomplish them?

Day 2 of Trixie!

Trixie decided to hang on the light post. She put her scarf and shoes on to go to Santa and to stay warm. 

V also told me today that she doesn't believe In Santa clause 😞 she's 5! Guess l have to figure something out to make her believe 😕

Day 1 - where's Trixie??

Today Trixie was a good girl, V caught her hanging from the kitchen and hallway door! 

We"ll be presenting Trixie with her skirt before bed :)

Happy Thanksgiving from my family to yours!!

I wanted to wish everyone a happy Thanksgiving!
I LOVE Thanksgiving!!! The food, the family, the laughs. It's absolutely my favorite holiday (coming from a mildly overweight woman....are you surprised ;) haha) 

Every year I say the same thing on Thanksgiving. I'm thankful for family, food and whatever important event happened that year.

Every day I think about how thankful I am for everything I have.

My daughter.
My son. Both of whom are miracles.
My marriage and the man I've been with for 10 years.
A place to live
My love of couponing and how it has saved our family in more ways than one. 

The knowledge to sew

Social Media and Smart phones for providing me a new source to talk with friends that are too busy to hang out, and a place for me to take pictures....10,217 to be exact 

Mine and my husbands families.
My wonderful friends
My job - without it... I couldn't provide for my family the way I'm able to now.

To everyone reading, Have a Happy Thanksgiving! And good luck with those black friday deals

Breastfeeding on Facebook

Recently I read a blog about a certified lactation consultant that wasn't allowed to promote her ad to like a status about reaching 100 likes on Facebook because she was promoting the sale of use of adult products. There were no pictures or anything! The word BREASTfeeding was written twice. Now we can't promote the word breastfeeding?

WHAT?!

Seriously... read the story here.
http://www.carolynhoneaclc.com/blog/FacebookAntiBreastfeeding

and now that you've done that... LIKE HER PAGE!

https://www.facebook.com/carolynhoneaCLC -- just to show Facebook "what's up"

So many people are fighting EVERYDAY to prove to the world breastfeeding isn't bad. Hospitals are promoting breastfeeding. WHY is it that social media is having a hard time with a BOOB! They have no problem showing other boobs. Is it because you can't get turned on by the fact that there's a baby on that boob whereas you can with a naked woman? Is the media afraid that if we promote breastfeeding that their way into attracting people is going to change because boobs will be "a thing of the past"? Seriously? WHAT is wrong with breastfeeding?

What about the days where woman SHARED nursing? Does anyone remember that? The phrase "It takes a village" was true because woman shared being mothers. One mother couldn't produce enough? Another woman took over. When did this become so taboo?

I seriously hope... someday in the near future, we'll go over this whole breast is bad thing, and remember: Breast is BEST!

V's Rapunzel themed 5th birthday!

After over a month of trying to decide what theme she wanted for her birthday, V FINALLY chose Rapunzel.

Last year we had a Princess party and I chose a couple things from each princess for the princess party. This year, I already had a few ideas in mind, a wonderful poster from
http://www.amazon.com/Disney-Tangled-Setter-Decoration-Accessory/dp/B0074NQNKW/ref=pd_sim_t_25

Which the Happy Birthday signed was STILL up from last year ;)

I hand made most of the decor and had decided on games, but because the kids were playing so nicely...we didn't do them. Me and V did the day after though.

 Decorations:

Food:

My very talented best friend made this cake

We had chips, jello boats, maximizes apples, cake and ice cream, rapunzels hair (angel hair pasta) and pretzel twists and cheese, you can see the today's menu poster and the snugly duckling sign. 

The ruffians were holding the food down for us ;)

Games: 

The games weren't played but they were going to be:

Being the apple (balloon) on a frying pan (below) to Maximus.

Next was a treasure hunt. We have a rapunzel crown, so I hid clues to find the crown in the brown satchel (flynns) like the day they met. 

The first clue: Flower gleam and glow. 

There was a set of flowers on the drink table. 

the second clue: Let your power shine

We hung up lanterns and the clue was hidden near by. 

The third clue: make the clock reverse. 

There was a foam clock I was sure to put out after all the kids had arrived.

Last clue: bring back what once was mine. ---it was hidden behind me ;) 

The last game we were going to play was pin the hair (yarn) on rapunzel. 

All during the party we had the tangled movie... And of course the steelers football game, going for the kids

Halloween FUN!

This year my kiddos dressed up as Mickey Mouse and Tinkerbell.

Being a couponer, I got their costumes cheaper. Actually, V's we just reused. Her costume we bought when she was 2. So we found a white sweater and white sweat pants, and the tink dress and BOOM. Her costume was done. Pink Rainboots and all!
We also have a local consignment sale and I found a really cute Mickey Mouse Costume. My son was SO ADORABLE!

Halloween was good. I wish we didn't take R out though. He fell asleep 10 minutes in, and I would have rather have kept him warm. But never the less, V had a great time and we were out for about an hour. She filled both (hers and R's) buckets about 1/2 way each for a full bucket, and no. Mommy and Daddy didn't raid it.

What really surprised me was she kept telling everyone "no peanut butter" (Not that she's allergic, but I am and she didn't want it in the house) but the people were SO accommodating to her! They were checking packages or getting definite non peanut contaminated items. It really was sweet the time and effort they took from a simple request, EVEN though I reassured them, it would be ok. :)

Some crafts we did along the way: 

Tote bag

Cookies

Decorating!

Pumpkins 

My kids ready to go

Inner Peace

I took a couple weeks to really dig down dig and decide what I wanted in life, enjoy my daughter, concentrate on getting ready for her party and celebrating the fact that she turned 5! (Yesterday).

I just can't believe how much she has grown into a wonderful sassy young lady. FIVE YEARS! Soon I'll also have a 1 year old.

I'll be posting separate posts on the last couple weeks but to catch up:
V and I did many halloween crafts.
R started walking
My niece (2 weeks youger) started walking.
My husband got 2 new jobs.
V had a Rapunzel Birthday Party.
V turned 5.

:) Check for more posts!

Tribute to my little angels

I really had no intentions on publishing this post... but after my sister posted about it on her blog... I figure I'd share it with all of you.

October 15th is infant loss and remembrance day. 

I personally have 5 angels I care about, and two "rainbow babies". 

For those who don't know, a rainbow baby is a child born after the loss of another child. Thus the rainbow after the storm. 

I have written about my angels in the past. About my miscarriages. About my feelings. And I've linked the article below. 

http://lllbyame.blogspot.com/2011/05/lesson-of-day-never-forget-your-angels.html

Every day I think about them. In fact, writing this, I've already cried a little. The fact that maybe I wouldn't have my daughter and son right now if I had them. What they would be like? Would I have gotten them either way with my two beautiful babies I have now? 

There will always be the "What ifs" in life. It's your choice to live through them or make them better. After living in the dark for so long after I lost the first set. I chose to wake up and yes, it is easy to fall back into when you've had multiple miscarriages like I have, but you HAVE to get back on your feet. Because your rainbow may hidden by the mountain. 


Please take a moment, and light a candle with me. 

Trying to start the Journey... AGAIN

I swear I tell myself EVERYDAY that "todays the day". One of these days... it really will be. In the last week I have exercised a total of 5 hours.
Today I even took a 2 1/2 hour walk. Granted in was from the in laws to the park for a pumpkin festival, but it's not a close walk, haha.

I took some "before" and will take after pictures. I'm hoping the before pictures will be enough inspiration to get my butt in gear. I even took *gasp* NAKED pictures to help this process. (who else avoids full length mirrors haha)

Anyway, I welcome you to join me in my half a person weight loss journey!

And 75 pounds to go!

Creating a circle skirt - Tutorial

I created a skirt for a little girls first birthday party, and while I was pleased with it... it wasn't as easy as I thought it was going to be.
I figured the easiest type of skirt would be a bubble skirt, and I had this AWESOME fabric that looked and felt JUST like Elmo!
We still don't know what this fabric is called... so we'll call it "cuddle, knit, minky, fur, costume fabric" It's very soft and stretchy and light. While this is a great type of fabric to work with for skirts... this particular fabric was NOT. 

The little girl I was creating this for had an 18 inch waist and wanted a 9 in length. So I went "old school". I took a pencil, on a string and did the circumference. In hindsight, I would FOLD the fabric in fourths first. I had a teacher in 8th grade who used to say MAKE MATH SIMPLE! So I will also try to explain that part as such. In my steps, I will include an EASIER way to do it AND the way I did it if there is both.

Materials:
1 yard of fabric
Elastic for waist. I used actual waist band elastic. There are two ways to do the elastic and I'll include both. I found the way I did mine easier. BUT that's your call.
Ruler
Pencil
Fabric Marker
Iron
Sewing Machine
String (Optional)
Tracing paper/regular paper (Optional)

Steps: 

 1. Get your measurements. (Ie 18in waist, 9in length)

2. There is a "formula" for the skirt measurements., but in all simplicity to get the circumference, you need to Waist (18in),  + 2 (so 20) divided by 6.28.
so (18+2) / 6.28 = 3.18 inches

3. What would have been easier: On your tracing paper, put the ruler at the corner, Measure (3.18 inches) all the way around the corner. We are creating this in fourths, so it will be easier.
    What I did. I took a pencil and the fabric marker and added the string to it 3.18 in apart. I then drew on the actual fabric in a full circle. Sounds easy right? You do not get a straight circle unless you have a really steady hand.

4. Now you need the length. You want to take the desired length and add 2 inches for the hem. (top and bottom) If you do the elastic the opposite way I did, you do not need as much as a hem on the top. So measure accordingly.
   What would have been easier: Measure 11 inches (9+2) with your ruler on the tracing paper just like you did the waist measurement. Mark 11 in from the edge of the waist markings.
   What I did: From the center of the skirt, I measured 11 in out on the fabric and drew all the way around. You can now cut out your fabric on your lines. If you do this, skip step 5.

5. What would have been easier: Fold your fabric into fourths. Cut out your pattern, which looks like 1/4 of a donut. On the fold of your fabric, put the pattern down and trace onto the fabric. Cut out the fabric. You will have 1/4 of a donut, unfold once and you have a semi circle and unfold all the way and you will have a full circle. (Duh, I know)

6. At the bottom of the skirt measure 1 inch on the bottom all the way around and pin. Take your iron and iron the hem down. It will make it easier to sew. Sew all the way around. Iron the seam.

7. Do the same thing in step 6 to the top, except leave an opening for the elastic to go in. Take a safety pin and attach to the elastic which is waist plus an inch. (so 19inch in my case) and thread through the opening, pulling out the other side. If your model is available, pin the other side on the safety pin, try on your model and adjust the waist. If it fits, tack (sew together) and sew the hole closed. Iron the seam.
ALTERNATIVE. Instead of sewing the elastic inside the hole, you can get thick colorful elastic and just add to the inside top of the skirt. So the elastic will be touching the skin. 

8. Hold the skirt up and feel accomplished, you've just made a circle skirt!

Also use as a poncho!